So this is what normal feels like. Thanks to getting back on my meds, I have rushed out of the depression and stopped on NORMAL floor for a minute. If life felt like this all the time life would be grand. Many take for granted what normal is. I think normal doesn't mean always happy and things are going your way. Many times its a variety of emotions. Hurt, anger, pain, sadness and so on. However, most of the time you are up beat, not depressed, peaceful, not in soul crushing conflict.

"He drew a circle that shut me out- Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But love and I had the wit to win: we drew a circle that took him in. " Edwin Markham

A few weeks ago I was not doing well. I couldn't even write because I couldn't think of what to say. It was one of my lowest points of my life and I white knuckled the temptation of being done with it.  I was able to see a therapist and there I was told to make plans ahead of time for when it hits again. I have three people I will call when I am struggling. I told them upfront. Because, the last thing you want to do is talk to someone who is going to talk you out of it. I called my insurance to find out what hospitals take you. Luckily, I went back to my Dr. and he told me he was upping my Lithium. It seems to have been working so far, and never again will I try to mess with  my meds. I guess its something everyone does at least once. That being said though It is making me gain weight and I worked hard last year to get where I am today. My husband said he would rather me gain weight and be here, than the alternative. 

There has been a lot of thoughts lately, but one I am struggling with still is wanting people to see that I am someone who stands up for the underdog and those hurting. Its hard for me to hear when others will only be friends with someone when they think like they do. I know I am being vague right now, but this is used to be a big trigger. If you know someone who is struggling with what I go through, PLEASE for the love of God, do not act like you are him and you need to judge someone. All you can do is love someone, because words and trying to preach to someone, may just be the finger that pulls the trigger. Love is what they need.